Thought I would dust this old thing off

Seems it has been quite a while since I last “blogged” but some things in my life have made me seek out a healthy way of dealing with them. There really is no good place to start. My wife and I made the decision to start trying again to get pregnant. Our journey began last August, first with a consultation with a fertility specialist (they call it male-factor infertility when female same sex couples are trying to get pregnant) and then right into IUI (intrauterine insemination) starting after my  next period. We did two rounds unsuccessfully and decided to take the holiday months off, as we felt the added stress would make things more difficult. We had a third attempt after the first of the year which was also unsuccessful. We revisited our specialist and she sent me to have what is called a hystersalpingogram (Google it). After having the procedure performed, the attending OB/GYN told me it had been his experience that after a patient undergoes an HSG they typically get pregnant in the next month or two. On April 19th we began our fourth round of IUI. We waited patiently for the day we could take a home pregnancy test. On the morning of May 1st, I got up and did my routine pee on the stick like I had done with the previous three rounds and then hopped in the shower. About half way through, I decided I would check the stick, assumes no what would no doubt be another failed effort. Much to my surprise, it read YES! We were finally going to be mamas. I quickly finished my shower, grabbed my towel and burst down the hallway, yelling to Bec to wake up. I could hardly get it out through the tears of joy and excitement! I told Bec we were going to be mamas and we cried and hugged for what seemed like forever. I headed into work that day, floating on cloud 9. I called the fertility clinic that morning and they sent me to have blood work done to check my hCg levels. This was the first of three blood draws I had to have done over the next week. After the third draw with my levels rising appropriately, they scheduled an ultrasound to confirm what we had hoped was true. We went to our appointment and were relieved when we heard he words “there’s your baby!” We were over the moon excited and had officially graduated from REI.

Looking Back on 2013

As we wind down another year, I find myself thinking of all the ups and downs we had this year. We said goodbye to the last of Bec's grandparents in March with the passing of her grandmother. In May, I earned my second college degree and in June I landed my dream job. We experienced heartache with two failed pregnancy attempts, but were ecstatic at the news of becoming aunts again to another set of twins, this time to my brother and sister-in-law. All in all, it was a pretty good year in our house. Here's to hoping 2014 brings even more joy and happiness to our home!

Heartbreak...sadness...frustration

Well, it is no secret that we are trying to get pregnant. There is nothing we want more in this world (well maybe to be independently wealthy!) than to be mommies. We recently had our second failed attempt. Devastating, heartbreaking, frustrating, stressful. I think what has made it more difficult is the fact that we have told our friends and families that we were going to try and get pregnant so when we see them and they ask how it is going, it's like opening old wounds and pouring lemon juice all over it. Sometimes I find myself thinking "what if kids are not in the plan?" And then the flood gates open. Trying to stay positive but am finding it increasingly difficult.

Fresh Start

It's amazing what a change in careers can do for someone. Not only am I in love with my new job, but it also gave me a chance to go where no one knew me. Nobody knew anything about me when I came here. Even three months in, my new co-workers know only as much as I have allowed them to know. Not because I am keeping any secrets, but it's nice to not have everyone under the sun know your business. The other thing is that I far less stressed at work than I used to be. I guess that's what happens when you more than double your pay and actually enjoy what you do. 

Some things you can't unhear

Has anyone ever told you something that completely blindsided you? Something that caught you totally off guard? This recently happened to me and out of respect for the involved parties, I won't go into details. However, it was something that is eating at me and has lit a fire in my belly that at times has me so worked up I think I am going to lose my mind. Some things you just can't unhear. Whenever I find my mind wandering, that is the first place I go to. I just wish it would all be over, so I can stop feeling so angry. 

Dream Job Landed!

Well, four weeks after graduation, I landed my dream job as a surgical tech for a major teaching hospital! I am beyond excited! What makes it my dream job? Everything. It's big, it's exciting, it's what I worked for the last two years. So excited and grateful for this next adventure in my life!

Final Weeks

Ugh. As I sit here at Panera Bread, doing my weekly Saturday ritual of reading, studying, and journal writing, I can't help but feel completely exhausted. I am beyond the point of feeling burnt out between school and work. I have zero motivation to finish what few remaining projects there are. I just want to be done! I am stressed because the job market for a surgical tech in this area is not promising. I would hate to go back to working two jobs that's for sure! Twenty-seven days until graduation. I certainly am excited to be done, but am overwhelmed at the thought I might not have a job after graduation.