Fresh Start

It's amazing what a change in careers can do for someone. Not only am I in love with my new job, but it also gave me a chance to go where no one knew me. Nobody knew anything about me when I came here. Even three months in, my new co-workers know only as much as I have allowed them to know. Not because I am keeping any secrets, but it's nice to not have everyone under the sun know your business. The other thing is that I far less stressed at work than I used to be. I guess that's what happens when you more than double your pay and actually enjoy what you do. 

Some things you can't unhear

Has anyone ever told you something that completely blindsided you? Something that caught you totally off guard? This recently happened to me and out of respect for the involved parties, I won't go into details. However, it was something that is eating at me and has lit a fire in my belly that at times has me so worked up I think I am going to lose my mind. Some things you just can't unhear. Whenever I find my mind wandering, that is the first place I go to. I just wish it would all be over, so I can stop feeling so angry. 

Dream Job Landed!

Well, four weeks after graduation, I landed my dream job as a surgical tech for a major teaching hospital! I am beyond excited! What makes it my dream job? Everything. It's big, it's exciting, it's what I worked for the last two years. So excited and grateful for this next adventure in my life!

Final Weeks

Ugh. As I sit here at Panera Bread, doing my weekly Saturday ritual of reading, studying, and journal writing, I can't help but feel completely exhausted. I am beyond the point of feeling burnt out between school and work. I have zero motivation to finish what few remaining projects there are. I just want to be done! I am stressed because the job market for a surgical tech in this area is not promising. I would hate to go back to working two jobs that's for sure! Twenty-seven days until graduation. I certainly am excited to be done, but am overwhelmed at the thought I might not have a job after graduation.

Closer to the end

Started my last semester of surgical tech school this week. It cannot be over soon enough! Not because I know everything I need to know, I am simply just ready to be done. I feel like I am more excited about being done with this degree than I was for my Bachelor's! I guess maybe because I know I have a clear direction to where my professional path is leading this time around. At any rate, May 3rd needs to hurry up and get here!

The end of an era...

I write this post with a heavy heart, as my last remaining grandparent passed away earlier this week. My grandmother was 87, and full of ornery until she died. 87. 87 years of laughter, tears, ups, downs and much more in between. As a kid I remember thinking what a tough life she had, as she was diagnosed with polio in her teens. Grandma moved around on crutches, and up until the last several years, was wheelchair bound. This, however, never kept her and my grandpa from traveling all over the country. I remember their trips up north to see friends or to Grandpa's Army reunions. Camping and picnics were among my favorite things to do with them when I was younger, especially day trips to Wampler's Lake in the Irish Hills. And the stories, oh the stories! Hearing about the Great Depression or the shenanigans of her childhood were always fascinating. The best stories, of course, were about my mom and uncle growing up. I miss her so much already. I hope you are at peace with Grandpa now, Gram. We all love you and miss you dearly...

CANCER SUCKS!!!

          Cancer. It has affected all of us in some way, shape or form. For me, I lost my grandfather to lung cancer 25 years ago this October. I've lost a high school friend and teammate just two years ago to breast cancer. And now that evil, wretched ugly word has wormed its way back into my life again, this time, a coworker whose husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer a week ago. This is not just any coworker. This is someone I think of as another mom, someone I have confided in about anything and everything, someone who on occasion has had to talk some sense into me and has kept me sane and grounded through a lot of bullshit. And I feel completely helpless. These people are incredible people. They would give you the shirt off their backs. They have welcomed Bec and I into their home and family and we have spent a significant amount of time together hanging out. Just last summer I went with them to see Bob Dylan in concert (one of their favorites) and we have plans to see Santana this summer. And why this, why now? They have had more personal tragedy then anyone I know and have managed to come out on top and always keep it together. Sunday was the first day since learning of "Uncle" B's prognosis that I have managed to keep it together long than a few hours. That was after we went to church and the psalm of the day was Psalm 23 which reads:
          The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
          Are. You. Kidding. Me? I thought there was no way this was coincidence. In a 96 hour span where I just found out one of my closest friends husband is dying, this is the psalm for this week. I had voiced my anger with God, and admittedly, screamed and cursed the Lord's name. But this took the cake.

          In the days prior to finding this out, there was some strangeness that had occurred. Strangeness is the best word I could come up with. April 21, myself and some friends traveled to South Bend for the Notre Dame Spring Game and to see the sights of the beautiful campus. Among those sites, was of course The Grotto. If you have never heard of it, the Grotto is like a small cave filled with candles and people go there and light candles and say prayers and just reflect. It's a quiet, peaceful place, away from the noise and crowds of the otherwise bustling campus. Prior to going to the Grotto, I had been having this looming feeling that something wasn't right at home, but had not heard from Bec, or my parents or siblings, so I assumed it was nothing. But when I lit that candle I said a little prayer for that feeling, whatever it was, because it felt like it needed attention. Later as we headed toward the campus bookstore, we saw the Cancer Tree, a tree with ribbons tied to it with the various colors of cancer awareness ribbons. I wanted to tie a pink ribbon on the tree, in memory of my high school friend and my godmother who both passed away from breast cancer. Instead, there were no pink ribbons so I chose white, which signified unspecified types of cancer, still not knowing what I would be learning later in the week.
          Even now, almost a week later, I am still a little raw emotionally and feel myself getting upset when I think about it for too long. I know "Uncle" B is going to fight this whole heartedly, 100%. And we are all in the fight with him. Thinking of you often and every prayer imaginable to you, friend.