Heartbreak...sadness...frustration

Well, it is no secret that we are trying to get pregnant. There is nothing we want more in this world (well maybe to be independently wealthy!) than to be mommies. We recently had our second failed attempt. Devastating, heartbreaking, frustrating, stressful. I think what has made it more difficult is the fact that we have told our friends and families that we were going to try and get pregnant so when we see them and they ask how it is going, it's like opening old wounds and pouring lemon juice all over it. Sometimes I find myself thinking "what if kids are not in the plan?" And then the flood gates open. Trying to stay positive but am finding it increasingly difficult.

Fresh Start

It's amazing what a change in careers can do for someone. Not only am I in love with my new job, but it also gave me a chance to go where no one knew me. Nobody knew anything about me when I came here. Even three months in, my new co-workers know only as much as I have allowed them to know. Not because I am keeping any secrets, but it's nice to not have everyone under the sun know your business. The other thing is that I far less stressed at work than I used to be. I guess that's what happens when you more than double your pay and actually enjoy what you do. 

Some things you can't unhear

Has anyone ever told you something that completely blindsided you? Something that caught you totally off guard? This recently happened to me and out of respect for the involved parties, I won't go into details. However, it was something that is eating at me and has lit a fire in my belly that at times has me so worked up I think I am going to lose my mind. Some things you just can't unhear. Whenever I find my mind wandering, that is the first place I go to. I just wish it would all be over, so I can stop feeling so angry. 

Dream Job Landed!

Well, four weeks after graduation, I landed my dream job as a surgical tech for a major teaching hospital! I am beyond excited! What makes it my dream job? Everything. It's big, it's exciting, it's what I worked for the last two years. So excited and grateful for this next adventure in my life!

Final Weeks

Ugh. As I sit here at Panera Bread, doing my weekly Saturday ritual of reading, studying, and journal writing, I can't help but feel completely exhausted. I am beyond the point of feeling burnt out between school and work. I have zero motivation to finish what few remaining projects there are. I just want to be done! I am stressed because the job market for a surgical tech in this area is not promising. I would hate to go back to working two jobs that's for sure! Twenty-seven days until graduation. I certainly am excited to be done, but am overwhelmed at the thought I might not have a job after graduation.

Closer to the end

Started my last semester of surgical tech school this week. It cannot be over soon enough! Not because I know everything I need to know, I am simply just ready to be done. I feel like I am more excited about being done with this degree than I was for my Bachelor's! I guess maybe because I know I have a clear direction to where my professional path is leading this time around. At any rate, May 3rd needs to hurry up and get here!

The end of an era...

I write this post with a heavy heart, as my last remaining grandparent passed away earlier this week. My grandmother was 87, and full of ornery until she died. 87. 87 years of laughter, tears, ups, downs and much more in between. As a kid I remember thinking what a tough life she had, as she was diagnosed with polio in her teens. Grandma moved around on crutches, and up until the last several years, was wheelchair bound. This, however, never kept her and my grandpa from traveling all over the country. I remember their trips up north to see friends or to Grandpa's Army reunions. Camping and picnics were among my favorite things to do with them when I was younger, especially day trips to Wampler's Lake in the Irish Hills. And the stories, oh the stories! Hearing about the Great Depression or the shenanigans of her childhood were always fascinating. The best stories, of course, were about my mom and uncle growing up. I miss her so much already. I hope you are at peace with Grandpa now, Gram. We all love you and miss you dearly...