The end of an era...

I write this post with a heavy heart, as my last remaining grandparent passed away earlier this week. My grandmother was 87, and full of ornery until she died. 87. 87 years of laughter, tears, ups, downs and much more in between. As a kid I remember thinking what a tough life she had, as she was diagnosed with polio in her teens. Grandma moved around on crutches, and up until the last several years, was wheelchair bound. This, however, never kept her and my grandpa from traveling all over the country. I remember their trips up north to see friends or to Grandpa's Army reunions. Camping and picnics were among my favorite things to do with them when I was younger, especially day trips to Wampler's Lake in the Irish Hills. And the stories, oh the stories! Hearing about the Great Depression or the shenanigans of her childhood were always fascinating. The best stories, of course, were about my mom and uncle growing up. I miss her so much already. I hope you are at peace with Grandpa now, Gram. We all love you and miss you dearly...

CANCER SUCKS!!!

          Cancer. It has affected all of us in some way, shape or form. For me, I lost my grandfather to lung cancer 25 years ago this October. I've lost a high school friend and teammate just two years ago to breast cancer. And now that evil, wretched ugly word has wormed its way back into my life again, this time, a coworker whose husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer a week ago. This is not just any coworker. This is someone I think of as another mom, someone I have confided in about anything and everything, someone who on occasion has had to talk some sense into me and has kept me sane and grounded through a lot of bullshit. And I feel completely helpless. These people are incredible people. They would give you the shirt off their backs. They have welcomed Bec and I into their home and family and we have spent a significant amount of time together hanging out. Just last summer I went with them to see Bob Dylan in concert (one of their favorites) and we have plans to see Santana this summer. And why this, why now? They have had more personal tragedy then anyone I know and have managed to come out on top and always keep it together. Sunday was the first day since learning of "Uncle" B's prognosis that I have managed to keep it together long than a few hours. That was after we went to church and the psalm of the day was Psalm 23 which reads:
          The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
          Are. You. Kidding. Me? I thought there was no way this was coincidence. In a 96 hour span where I just found out one of my closest friends husband is dying, this is the psalm for this week. I had voiced my anger with God, and admittedly, screamed and cursed the Lord's name. But this took the cake.

          In the days prior to finding this out, there was some strangeness that had occurred. Strangeness is the best word I could come up with. April 21, myself and some friends traveled to South Bend for the Notre Dame Spring Game and to see the sights of the beautiful campus. Among those sites, was of course The Grotto. If you have never heard of it, the Grotto is like a small cave filled with candles and people go there and light candles and say prayers and just reflect. It's a quiet, peaceful place, away from the noise and crowds of the otherwise bustling campus. Prior to going to the Grotto, I had been having this looming feeling that something wasn't right at home, but had not heard from Bec, or my parents or siblings, so I assumed it was nothing. But when I lit that candle I said a little prayer for that feeling, whatever it was, because it felt like it needed attention. Later as we headed toward the campus bookstore, we saw the Cancer Tree, a tree with ribbons tied to it with the various colors of cancer awareness ribbons. I wanted to tie a pink ribbon on the tree, in memory of my high school friend and my godmother who both passed away from breast cancer. Instead, there were no pink ribbons so I chose white, which signified unspecified types of cancer, still not knowing what I would be learning later in the week.
          Even now, almost a week later, I am still a little raw emotionally and feel myself getting upset when I think about it for too long. I know "Uncle" B is going to fight this whole heartedly, 100%. And we are all in the fight with him. Thinking of you often and every prayer imaginable to you, friend.

Past Due for an Update!

So, it appears I have neglected this poor thing for a little over 18 months. I suppose it is time to update what's been going on. Well, nursing school did not work out in my favor, which I have totally come to terms with. It took awhile, but I am ok with it now. I knew my desire was to work in surgery. So this past fall, I started the Surgical Technology program at Owens Community College. I had a great first semester back, finishing with a 3.0 G.P.A. I am three weeks into my second semester and will be starting my clinical rotation next week. I am chomping at the bit to get into the OR and finally get to see/do some real work! Speaking of work, I am still working as a sterile tech at "the Bay". I love my job (most days) and the people I work with (most days). Quit Depot all together this past September (don't need a nursing school failure repeat) and have been focusing my time and energy on studying. Bec and I are great! Although she works two jobs and I am crazy busy between school and work, we still manage to make it work. After all, that's what love is all about, right? Family is doing well (both mine and Bec's). Welcomed a niece, Brooklyn Mae, in May to my brother Andy and his wife Missy. Big brother Aiden turned 2 in September and he is so good with his little sister. We also welcomed a SECOND set of twins to Bec's brother Steve and his wife Katie in August. The bubbas were very excited to become big brothers to sister Molly and brother Emmett. All of these babies around us have my damn internal clock tick ticking away. Sometimes, it feels like it's screaming at me. Eventually, we plan to get pregnant, but are putting it off until I am done with school. I know, our eggs aren't getting any fresher, but we have to do for us while we can before we have someone else to think about. Ok, that should bring everyone up to speed. I am hoping to be motivated to post more often, as I always have material to post about. However, I make no promises!